I was unsure whether to write this post, because loss is such a personal journey to go through.
Around two years ago when Shirley was in the midst of being poorly, and losing her memory, I said how worried I was that I wouldn’t cope if she passed away. I was asked the question, ‘Is there an expectation to cope?’…There was never the expectation, but what’s the alternative to not coping? There isn’t one right; you are just supposed to cope in whatever way you can. Although, you don’t know what way that will be until it actually happens.
Watching someone pass away right in front of you and not being able to do anything about it is a difficult concept to deal with. Although it was Shirley’s time to pass, and that was out of our hands, some people just feel invincible, right? Like they aren’t meant to die, they were just born to live on forever.
I am in two minds about whether my grieving process has started. Is what I’m going through now grief, or has it not even begun? As dementia took Shirley away a long time before she actually passed away, I’m almost certain that my loss of her first started when she didn’t know who I was anymore.
So, although this isn’t the nicest post to write, I think it’s very necessary to starting back blogging again. With a few tweaks, the post I wrote previously about Shirley was read out at her funeral; which summed up my feelings towards her perfectly and was one of the reasons I wanted to start writing again.
The Alzheimer’s society has a flower as their logo, the flower is called a ‘forget me not’… the perfect way to describe how I will feel about Shirley always. Keep taking pictures together, and keep coping in whatever way feels right for you.